Being 26…

My birthday is always a very emotional time of year for me. In the weeks leading up to my birthday, I get very anxious and worried and just a bit down. It’s hard to explain why, even to this day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my birthday. I love the presents, the excitement, the one day of the year where it’s all about me. I think to start with, it was the concern that the big day wouldn’t live up to to the hype. That I had built this massive idea in my head about what my birthday SHOULD be. As the years go by, I think it’s developed in to a time of reflection. A yearly reminder of where I thought I would be at this age, and where I actually am.

26 is an interesting age. It’s an age where I still consider myself young, but I know that it won’t be that way for too much longer. It’s an age where I still shop at Supre for clubbing clothes, but I am well aware that I am the oldest person in the store.  It’s an age where half of my friends are going out and getting black out drunk every weekend but the other half are settled down, buying houses and having children. To be quite honest, I’m torn between the two lives. Part of me loves the freedom I have in this life but part of me craves that security that a partner and family gives you.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in a position where I could get married, buy a house and have a child. And even if I was in the position where I could, I’m not entirely sure I would. I love the freedom I have at the moment. I love that right now I’m sitting in bed, having a glass of wine and my only responsibility is making sure the cat comes inside before I go to sleep. And even if she doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world. On the other hand, I love seeing the happiness that marriage and children bring to my friends lives. Seeing them with that love for their husband and children, that love that is indescribable, it makes me yearn for it.

But I digress, this blog post isn’t about marriage or kids or housing. It’s about me and where I am at 26. SO! Where am I?

House – I am currently living in a flat in Wellington with two guys and a girl that I moved in to at the start of this year following the living separation with my partner. Although it’s not ideal in many ways (I still have to hide my cat from the landlord), it’s a nice house with city views and off street carparking so I’m going to call that a win. I also don’t have to pay rates or house insurance #CountYourBlessings

Career – This is probably the “objective” I am nailing most in my life. And if I’m quite honest, it’s probably the one which if you had asked me at 15, I would say was the most important to me to be nailing at 26. I have recently just accepted a 3 month secondment for a team manager position within my company. Something I was offered because of the hard work and dedication I had put in to my previous role. It’s definitely got it’s challenges and although I still wake up dreading to go to work, its because I don’t want to get out of my bed more than anything else.

Fitness – This is still a work in progress – similar to how it has been since I got in to fitness at the age of 19. I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy with where I’m at fitness wise – it’s a forever evolving objective. But looking back to when I was 18 and my boyfriend at the time walked next to me while I “ran” around the block, I appreciate that I’ve come a decent way.

Skincare – Now this is a really random one but considering a couple of weeks prior to my birthday my skin broke out like I was 16 again, I thought it was worth noting. Skincare is something that is drilled in to you, advising you to adopt a good routine from a relatively young age. I can assure you right now that I ignored this up until a few weeks back. Not that I completely neglected my skin but there were definitely nights when I slept in my makeup thinking I could wear it again the next day. Rewind to 3 weeks ago and I have adopted a new skincare routine which has definitely taken some adjusting to (think red, itchy, flakey skin) but my face is looking great. Now to stop squeezing the odd spot that does come up.. #WorkInProgress

Taking the time to reflect in a blog on what I have achieved has definitely granted me some clarity on just how far I have come. Aging is a strange thing. Particularly for me, being the baby of the family, it’s strange to see youngins come up and take that title away from me. It’s not something I particularly enjoy but it is something I am coming to grips with (slowly… very slowly…)

K x

(Ps – I’ve also started to like red wine. What. The. Hell.)

 

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Being 26…

Did I make a mistake?

It’s certainly been a while since I’ve written a blog post and hopefully this blog will give you a bit of an insight why. It’s been a whirlwind few months, with a lot of changes in the air. 2016 was a great year for me. I commenced my first year of full time work (and absolutely smashed it if I do say so myself), made some great new friends and just became overall happier than I was in 2015.

However for 2017, I knew I needed to mix it up a bit. I had spent 2016 settling in to full time worker life and became increasingly comfortable and confident within my life. I could have stayed within the bounds of my 2016 life for another couple of years with no complaints, but I knew in a few years I would yearn for something more. So I took the plunge and told my long term boyfriend that I wanted to live in separate places for 2017.

Now, this was a decision that not many people understood. Infact, I myself had trouble comprehending why I felt this way. I guess the best way I can explain it is, it just felt like something I needed to do. So bear with me while I attempt to explain why..

The entire time I had flatted in Wellington, it had been with a boyfriend. I’ve lived in numerous flatting situations (in someone elses flat with a boyfriend, just me and a boyfriend, me and my boyfriend with other people living in the house). And although I had experienced a number of different living situations, I had never lived in one without a boyfriend. There was always something so comforting about having a boyfriend to go home to. But I’m well aware of the fact that, for numerous reasons, boyfriends are not always there. And it scared me to think that this was all I’d ever known.

I struggled to comprehend what it would be like in 10 years if something happened to a partner while I was living with him and I was thrown in to a situation where I had to live with randoms without having a boyfriend there. I wanted the experience where if something did happen, that I knew I would be okay living without a boyfriend.

So far it’s been 3 weeks and it’s been 3 weeks full of highs and lows. I love being able to get up in the morning and make as much noise as I want, not having to worry about waking a sleeping boyfriend. I love being able to fall asleep to Gilmore Girls every night and cooking whatever I want for dinner. In saying that, there have been a lot of times (like now), where I just sit on the couch and wonder what to do with myself. I am no longer confined by what my boyfriend wants, but I also no longer have that person to keep me entertained while I do nothing.

Sometimes I do wonder if I made a mistake. And if I’m being 100% honest with you, I would say no. Because although it is definitely taking a lot of readjustment, I know that I had to do this for myself. If I didn’t, in a year or three, I definitely would’ve regretted it and wondered “what if”. I know that the lows are ultimately what are going to help me grow and become a stronger person.

So for now, I am just riding out the lows, trying to adjust to my “new normal”. I am attempting to be more social, catching up on the TV shows that I want and focusing on my goals, my needs and just myself overall. I’ll let ya know how that goes!

K xx

 

Did I make a mistake?

Finding my passion

Yesterday I met up with someone who I didn’t know all that well for coffee. It was a chance to talk and drink coffee and just generally get to know each other a bit better. It was a bit like a job interview at some points,

“What do you do for work?”

“Do you work hard?

These questions were all fine (albeit a bit mundane), but there was one question that really stumped me.

“What is your passion?”

Now, it’s not the first time I’ve heard a question of these sorts. Sometimes it comes in the form of “what do you like to do for fun?” Or something similar. It’s a question I’ve always struggled with. I go to work, go to the gym, hang out with friends or family, do my housework, try to Keep up with the Kardashians. When do I have time to do something I’m passionate about?

Normally I say any of the above because I do consider them things I like to do for fun. But do I consider them something I’m passionate about? I’m not sure.

It got me thinking about the things that other people were passionate about. You’ll see people passionate about politics or music or sports. Yes, I enjoy all of these things and keep an interest of what is happening within in them but once again, I wouldn’t say I’m passionate about them.

Obviously I enjoy blogging (occasionally) but I think the fact that I’m not passionate about anything has also led to the fact that this blog is mainly a combination of my random ramblings with no clear direction (which I am 95% okay with, incase you were wondering).

The person I was speaking to in question was very courteous of my answer (which was, “I don’t know, nothing really”), and did try to lighten it up with the fact that I’m only young and have the rest of my life to find my passion. But will I find it with no effort what-so-ever? Will I find it if I’m not even looking for it?

I’m hopeful that identifying that I want to have a passion is the first step. Although, I have absolutely no idea where to go from here. Where do I start in finding a passion? I would love to hear how you found your passion to give me some passionspo (new word which is a mix of passion and inspo) or some ideas of what your passion is! Maybe we could share a passion? Or maybe you’re like me and don’t currently have a passion – if so, leave me a comment and let me know! Maybe I’m not the only one in this boat?

K x

 

 

 

Finding my passion

Some days..

Some days you go to the gym and eat healthy…
Some days you stay at home in front of the fire and eat chocolate mousse.

Some days you jump out of bed raring to go…
Some days you lie there looking at your phone until you only have 20 minutes to get ready.

Some days you get all of your work tasks done for the day..
Some days you sit and push everything out to tomorrow.

Some days you post a selfie on insta because you’re feeling bomb af…
Some days you feel insecure looking at other peoples social media.

Some days you can graciously deal with co-workers who piss you off…
Some days you have to grit your teeth and look the other way.

Some days you know exactly what direction your life is going in…
Some days you don’t even know what direction tomorrow is going in.

Some days you sit down to write a thought-provoking blog post…
And some days you write down a load of shit.

I’ll let you figure out which day today has been x

Some days..

Things

I know I am probably due another Whole30 catchup – but instead I decided to just write a few things that I am loving/hating/enjoying/watching at the moment. This is partly because I love reading posts like this but also partly because I need a break from this Whole30 which is slowly but surely consuming my life*

*Potentially a bit dramatic.

** Whole30 has consumed this blog post also

Anyway, let’s get the negatives out of the way…

Continue reading “Things”

Things

Getting my groove back

As I sit next to my open fire, being warmed by the blazing flames, I thought about my life, and where I am compared to a year ago. A year ago, I was living in a tiny shoebox of a flat, about 6 months into a job hunt and (un be known to me at the time) a month away from breaking up with my best friend. 2015 was a tough year. Looking back, it wasn’t really all that bad. But at the time, I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It didn’t feel like there was one. I felt like everything was awful and the longer in to the year I got, the more it felt like nothing was ever going to change.

I often cried to myself, feeling so worthless and there were days where if I didn’t have nannying for 3 hours a day, I wouldn’t have left the house. As much as I despised nannying at the time, it was probably the one thing that gave me purpose. It wasn’t until about October or September when I got a pep talk from an old friend where my mind set changed and gave me the kick I needed to take control. I remembered that I was worthy, I was an asset.

Most of all, I remembered that I deserved happiness. 

I started this blog around that time last year, to give me an outlet. To give me something positive to focus on. And even though I really didn’t blog that much in the initial stages, it has given me that. It has given me the opportunity to share my stories, to engage and connect with other bloggers and to reflect on my life. And for that, I thank every one who reads and who gives me the motivation to carry on. You probably didn’t know it at the time, but you gave me strength.

Fast forward a year and I am living in a gorgeous house, have a great group of friends and a job that I am excelling in. I am 15 days into a Whole 30 and feeling proud of myself, I have (somewhat) got my exercise mojo back and I am banging out my financial goals (a bit slower than I had hoped but I needed all those new clothes!). I have got my self worth back and my confidence is slowly creeping up.

2015 definitely provided me with a lot of challenges, some of which I hope I never have to face again. But going through it and coming out the other side feels great and I am thankful that I managed to find the strength to fight through and come out better than ever. I am positive, I am excited, I am driven. I am back to my old self.

Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I spend every minute of every day happy (I’ve probably completely jinxed it now and I will have a horrible day tomorrow), but right now, at this very moment, I am happy. And that, is a fantastic feeling.

K x

 

Getting my groove back

Whole 30 – Days 12 + 13 +14

Holy moly, I can’t believe today is day 14 of my Whole 30! What an AMAZING feeling (probably not as amazing as day 30). To be quite honest, not a lot has changed since I blogged on day 11. It’s been the weekend which is always a challenge. In saying that, even though it’s Sunday evening and I’ll be glad to get back in to my routine tomorrow,  I’m still sad it’s Monday tomorrow. On the plus side, it is a long weekend next weekend!

Days 12 – 15

This is the stage where typically people have boundless energy – which is great right?! But they tend to develop massive food cravings. Last time round, I was definitely tempted by the food around me. I even remember sniffing someones chocolate to help get my fix. This time round, I’ve really not been tempted at all. And I really can’t figure out why. I think I will put it down to the fact that I’ve not been around any food that is tempting. We haven’t yet had a shared morning tea at work (2 weeks without a morning tea is unheard of). I also think it is because this time round, I am more aware of my options. Last time round I had boiled eggs for breakfast EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING (to the point where I wouldn’t eat breakfast). This time I’ve had smoothies and chia seed pudding and salmon. It’s been a lot more bearable and I feel like I can continue this type of eating in my every day life. Lunches are also a lot easier with the introduction of broccoslaw and I’ve found this great pre made salad at New World which is a god send on days where I’ve prepped meat but no veges. Adding to that, my Sunday night meal prep is making such a difference too. This time round I’ve felt powerful and in control.

One thing I have struggled with this week has been motivation to get to the gym. I ditched it on Monday evening to come home to the warm house, I went on Thursday morning but ditched my power class for a walk on the treadmill, and I ditched yesterday morning in favour of a walk around the bays. I do like going to the gym in the morning (mainly because I get to drive to work which makes my life a hell of a lot easier) but it can be really hard to push myself at 6 in the morning (hence the walk). I’ve been trying to find a routine which works for me (days convenient to go with classes I enjoy) but I think I may have to get back in to my running. There’s no set times or days to go to run and it’ll allow me to go straight to the gym after work so I don’t have to go home first and face the temptation of staying home.

Even though I only posted 3 days ago, I already feel like my skin has started to clear and my body is starting to change. Tomorrow is day 15 and I can expect the Tiger Blood to start kicking in at any point from here. I can also expect some food boredom to sink in. I’ll let you know how it goes.

K x

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Whole 30 – Days 12 + 13 +14