As I sit next to my open fire, being warmed by the blazing flames, I thought about my life, and where I am compared to a year ago. A year ago, I was living in a tiny shoebox of a flat, about 6 months into a job hunt and (un be known to me at the time) a month away from breaking up with my best friend. 2015 was a tough year. Looking back, it wasn’t really all that bad. But at the time, I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It didn’t feel like there was one. I felt like everything was awful and the longer in to the year I got, the more it felt like nothing was ever going to change.
I often cried to myself, feeling so worthless and there were days where if I didn’t have nannying for 3 hours a day, I wouldn’t have left the house. As much as I despised nannying at the time, it was probably the one thing that gave me purpose. It wasn’t until about October or September when I got a pep talk from an old friend where my mind set changed and gave me the kick I needed to take control. I remembered that I was worthy, I was an asset.
Most of all, I remembered that I deserved happiness.
I started this blog around that time last year, to give me an outlet. To give me something positive to focus on. And even though I really didn’t blog that much in the initial stages, it has given me that. It has given me the opportunity to share my stories, to engage and connect with other bloggers and to reflect on my life. And for that, I thank every one who reads and who gives me the motivation to carry on. You probably didn’t know it at the time, but you gave me strength.
Fast forward a year and I am living in a gorgeous house, have a great group of friends and a job that I am excelling in. I am 15 days into a Whole 30 and feeling proud of myself, I have (somewhat) got my exercise mojo back and I am banging out my financial goals (a bit slower than I had hoped but I needed all those new clothes!). I have got my self worth back and my confidence is slowly creeping up.
2015 definitely provided me with a lot of challenges, some of which I hope I never have to face again. But going through it and coming out the other side feels great and I am thankful that I managed to find the strength to fight through and come out better than ever. I am positive, I am excited, I am driven. I am back to my old self.
Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I spend every minute of every day happy (I’ve probably completely jinxed it now and I will have a horrible day tomorrow), but right now, at this very moment, I am happy. And that, is a fantastic feeling.