Did I make a mistake?

It’s certainly been a while since I’ve written a blog post and hopefully this blog will give you a bit of an insight why. It’s been a whirlwind few months, with a lot of changes in the air. 2016 was a great year for me. I commenced my first year of full time work (and absolutely smashed it if I do say so myself), made some great new friends and just became overall happier than I was in 2015.

However for 2017, I knew I needed to mix it up a bit. I had spent 2016 settling in to full time worker life and became increasingly comfortable and confident within my life. I could have stayed within the bounds of my 2016 life for another couple of years with no complaints, but I knew in a few years I would yearn for something more. So I took the plunge and told my long term boyfriend that I wanted to live in separate places for 2017.

Now, this was a decision that not many people understood. Infact, I myself had trouble comprehending why I felt this way. I guess the best way I can explain it is, it just felt like something I needed to do. So bear with me while I attempt to explain why..

The entire time I had flatted in Wellington, it had been with a boyfriend. I’ve lived in numerous flatting situations (in someone elses flat with a boyfriend, just me and a boyfriend, me and my boyfriend with other people living in the house). And although I had experienced a number of different living situations, I had never lived in one without a boyfriend. There was always something so comforting about having a boyfriend to go home to. But I’m well aware of the fact that, for numerous reasons, boyfriends are not always there. And it scared me to think that this was all I’d ever known.

I struggled to comprehend what it would be like in 10 years if something happened to a partner while I was living with him and I was thrown in to a situation where I had to live with randoms without having a boyfriend there. I wanted the experience where if something did happen, that I knew I would be okay living without a boyfriend.

So far it’s been 3 weeks and it’s been 3 weeks full of highs and lows. I love being able to get up in the morning and make as much noise as I want, not having to worry about waking a sleeping boyfriend. I love being able to fall asleep to Gilmore Girls every night and cooking whatever I want for dinner. In saying that, there have been a lot of times (like now), where I just sit on the couch and wonder what to do with myself. I am no longer confined by what my boyfriend wants, but I also no longer have that person to keep me entertained while I do nothing.

Sometimes I do wonder if I made a mistake. And if I’m being 100% honest with you, I would say no. Because although it is definitely taking a lot of readjustment, I know that I had to do this for myself. If I didn’t, in a year or three, I definitely would’ve regretted it and wondered “what if”. I know that the lows are ultimately what are going to help me grow and become a stronger person.

So for now, I am just riding out the lows, trying to adjust to my “new normal”. I am attempting to be more social, catching up on the TV shows that I want and focusing on my goals, my needs and just myself overall. I’ll let ya know how that goes!

K xx

 

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Did I make a mistake?

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