Being 26…

My birthday is always a very emotional time of year for me. In the weeks leading up to my birthday, I get very anxious and worried and just a bit down. It’s hard to explain why, even to this day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my birthday. I love the presents, the excitement, the one day of the year where it’s all about me. I think to start with, it was the concern that the big day wouldn’t live up to to the hype. That I had built this massive idea in my head about what my birthday SHOULD be. As the years go by, I think it’s developed in to a time of reflection. A yearly reminder of where I thought I would be at this age, and where I actually am.

26 is an interesting age. It’s an age where I still consider myself young, but I know that it won’t be that way for too much longer. It’s an age where I still shop at Supre for clubbing clothes, but I am well aware that I am the oldest person in the store.  It’s an age where half of my friends are going out and getting black out drunk every weekend but the other half are settled down, buying houses and having children. To be quite honest, I’m torn between the two lives. Part of me loves the freedom I have in this life but part of me craves that security that a partner and family gives you.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in a position where I could get married, buy a house and have a child. And even if I was in the position where I could, I’m not entirely sure I would. I love the freedom I have at the moment. I love that right now I’m sitting in bed, having a glass of wine and my only responsibility is making sure the cat comes inside before I go to sleep. And even if she doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world. On the other hand, I love seeing the happiness that marriage and children bring to my friends lives. Seeing them with that love for their husband and children, that love that is indescribable, it makes me yearn for it.

But I digress, this blog post isn’t about marriage or kids or housing. It’s about me and where I am at 26. SO! Where am I?

House – I am currently living in a flat in Wellington with two guys and a girl that I moved in to at the start of this year following the living separation with my partner. Although it’s not ideal in many ways (I still have to hide my cat from the landlord), it’s a nice house with city views and off street carparking so I’m going to call that a win. I also don’t have to pay rates or house insurance #CountYourBlessings

Career – This is probably the “objective” I am nailing most in my life. And if I’m quite honest, it’s probably the one which if you had asked me at 15, I would say was the most important to me to be nailing at 26. I have recently just accepted a 3 month secondment for a team manager position within my company. Something I was offered because of the hard work and dedication I had put in to my previous role. It’s definitely got it’s challenges and although I still wake up dreading to go to work, its because I don’t want to get out of my bed more than anything else.

Fitness – This is still a work in progress – similar to how it has been since I got in to fitness at the age of 19. I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy with where I’m at fitness wise – it’s a forever evolving objective. But looking back to when I was 18 and my boyfriend at the time walked next to me while I “ran” around the block, I appreciate that I’ve come a decent way.

Skincare – Now this is a really random one but considering a couple of weeks prior to my birthday my skin broke out like I was 16 again, I thought it was worth noting. Skincare is something that is drilled in to you, advising you to adopt a good routine from a relatively young age. I can assure you right now that I ignored this up until a few weeks back. Not that I completely neglected my skin but there were definitely nights when I slept in my makeup thinking I could wear it again the next day. Rewind to 3 weeks ago and I have adopted a new skincare routine which has definitely taken some adjusting to (think red, itchy, flakey skin) but my face is looking great. Now to stop squeezing the odd spot that does come up.. #WorkInProgress

Taking the time to reflect in a blog on what I have achieved has definitely granted me some clarity on just how far I have come. Aging is a strange thing. Particularly for me, being the baby of the family, it’s strange to see youngins come up and take that title away from me. It’s not something I particularly enjoy but it is something I am coming to grips with (slowly… very slowly…)

K x

(Ps – I’ve also started to like red wine. What. The. Hell.)

 

Things

I know I am probably due another Whole30 catchup – but instead I decided to just write a few things that I am loving/hating/enjoying/watching at the moment. This is partly because I love reading posts like this but also partly because I need a break from this Whole30 which is slowly but surely consuming my life*

*Potentially a bit dramatic.

** Whole30 has consumed this blog post also

Anyway, let’s get the negatives out of the way…

Getting my groove back

As I sit next to my open fire, being warmed by the blazing flames, I thought about my life, and where I am compared to a year ago. A year ago, I was living in a tiny shoebox of a flat, about 6 months into a job hunt and (un be known to me at the time) a month away from breaking up with my best friend. 2015 was a tough year. Looking back, it wasn’t really all that bad. But at the time, I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It didn’t feel like there was one. I felt like everything was awful and the longer in to the year I got, the more it felt like nothing was ever going to change.

I often cried to myself, feeling so worthless and there were days where if I didn’t have nannying for 3 hours a day, I wouldn’t have left the house. As much as I despised nannying at the time, it was probably the one thing that gave me purpose. It wasn’t until about October or September when I got a pep talk from an old friend where my mind set changed and gave me the kick I needed to take control. I remembered that I was worthy, I was an asset.

Most of all, I remembered that I deserved happiness. 

I started this blog around that time last year, to give me an outlet. To give me something positive to focus on. And even though I really didn’t blog that much in the initial stages, it has given me that. It has given me the opportunity to share my stories, to engage and connect with other bloggers and to reflect on my life. And for that, I thank every one who reads and who gives me the motivation to carry on. You probably didn’t know it at the time, but you gave me strength.

Fast forward a year and I am living in a gorgeous house, have a great group of friends and a job that I am excelling in. I am 15 days into a Whole 30 and feeling proud of myself, I have (somewhat) got my exercise mojo back and I am banging out my financial goals (a bit slower than I had hoped but I needed all those new clothes!). I have got my self worth back and my confidence is slowly creeping up.

2015 definitely provided me with a lot of challenges, some of which I hope I never have to face again. But going through it and coming out the other side feels great and I am thankful that I managed to find the strength to fight through and come out better than ever. I am positive, I am excited, I am driven. I am back to my old self.

Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I spend every minute of every day happy (I’ve probably completely jinxed it now and I will have a horrible day tomorrow), but right now, at this very moment, I am happy. And that, is a fantastic feeling.

K x

 

Whole 30 – Days 12 + 13 +14

Holy moly, I can’t believe today is day 14 of my Whole 30! What an AMAZING feeling (probably not as amazing as day 30). To be quite honest, not a lot has changed since I blogged on day 11. It’s been the weekend which is always a challenge. In saying that, even though it’s Sunday evening and I’ll be glad to get back in to my routine tomorrow,  I’m still sad it’s Monday tomorrow. On the plus side, it is a long weekend next weekend!

Days 12 – 15

This is the stage where typically people have boundless energy – which is great right?! But they tend to develop massive food cravings. Last time round, I was definitely tempted by the food around me. I even remember sniffing someones chocolate to help get my fix. This time round, I’ve really not been tempted at all. And I really can’t figure out why. I think I will put it down to the fact that I’ve not been around any food that is tempting. We haven’t yet had a shared morning tea at work (2 weeks without a morning tea is unheard of). I also think it is because this time round, I am more aware of my options. Last time round I had boiled eggs for breakfast EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING (to the point where I wouldn’t eat breakfast). This time I’ve had smoothies and chia seed pudding and salmon. It’s been a lot more bearable and I feel like I can continue this type of eating in my every day life. Lunches are also a lot easier with the introduction of broccoslaw and I’ve found this great pre made salad at New World which is a god send on days where I’ve prepped meat but no veges. Adding to that, my Sunday night meal prep is making such a difference too. This time round I’ve felt powerful and in control.

One thing I have struggled with this week has been motivation to get to the gym. I ditched it on Monday evening to come home to the warm house, I went on Thursday morning but ditched my power class for a walk on the treadmill, and I ditched yesterday morning in favour of a walk around the bays. I do like going to the gym in the morning (mainly because I get to drive to work which makes my life a hell of a lot easier) but it can be really hard to push myself at 6 in the morning (hence the walk). I’ve been trying to find a routine which works for me (days convenient to go with classes I enjoy) but I think I may have to get back in to my running. There’s no set times or days to go to run and it’ll allow me to go straight to the gym after work so I don’t have to go home first and face the temptation of staying home.

Even though I only posted 3 days ago, I already feel like my skin has started to clear and my body is starting to change. Tomorrow is day 15 and I can expect the Tiger Blood to start kicking in at any point from here. I can also expect some food boredom to sink in. I’ll let you know how it goes.

K x

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Whole 30 – Days 8 + 9 + 10 + 11

 

I’ve been sitting here for a while trying to figure how to start this blog. I think it must be that I have four days to catch you up on that is making this such a struggle. I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday* let alone how I felt four days ago. But I know that the longer I leave this blog, the harder it is going to be so bear with me while I try and string some half decent sentences together.

MONDAY & TUESDAY – DayS 8 + 9

Now I cannot confirm or deny that my pants were tighter during these 2 days, mainly because I deliberately avoided wearing pants knowing that this phaze was coming up (FYI, I wore stockings). What I can confirm is that the bloating was definitely present. It is worth noting that the above paragraph notes that this phaze can last about a week and (because I did not have a weeks worth of stocking appropriate clothing) I am wearing pants today. I’m not sure if I would say they’re tighter, and if they’re any looser, it’s not by a lot. My bloating is still present (potentially because of my monthly lady visitor) but it’s not the feeling of bloating from eating too much startchy food so I am enjoying that! I also had the most AMAZING Whole30 meal on Tuesday night. Chicken, Bacon and Mushroom casserole which I think was better than any “normal” version of the dish I had ever made.

WEDNESDAY + THURSDAY – DAYS 10 + 11

Now this is the phaze that I would dispute the most. Out of all my days so far, quitting was no more on my mind than any other day. Quitting has not yet crossed my mind (although after an awful day at work yesterday, I did think a glass of wine would be nice). I know I was cranky and impatient yesterday but not any more so than I would’ve been after having the day I had. Apart from the wine craving (which wasn’t even that serious), I did not feel like running home to stuff my face with bad food to make myself feel better (which is progress within itself!).

11 days down and I am yet to see any of the benefits I had hoped to. I don’t think my energy levels have increased, my skin is AWFUL and I definitely don’t think I have lost any weight. In saying that, I am remaining positive and I am proud of the 11 days I have made it through so far. I am optimistic that these benefits will come through as everyone says they do.

Until they do however, I will keep choking down my broccoslaw, wishing it was a burger.

K x

*I do remember – it’s eggs. It’s always eggs.

Whole30 – Days 5+6+7

Hello, Humans!

Today we’re going to look at how days 5 + 6 + 7 of my Whole30 have been. Now if I am to be quite honest, I was really dreading these days because weekends are ALWAYS the hardest. No after work wine or Sunday brunch for me! However, I kept busy doing wholesome (non food-related) activities, including a fair bit of retail therapy (figured I deserved to treat myself). It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had anticipated it to be, and waking up without a fuzzy head from a few too many wines was amazing.

Friday – Day 5

Considering this day was part of the “Kill all the things” phaze, I think I was surprisingly well tempered. It wasn’t until lunchtime when I had to have lunch alone and I had a bit too much time to myself to think that I got in a bad mood. It wasn’t even an angry mood, it was more of a I can’t be bothered talking to anyone mood. My afternoon got progressively more I can’t be bothered talking to anyone until a friend came over and asked if I was okay. I had a bit of a rant, remembered it was Friday and perked up for the final 30 minutes of work. Just as I was leaving someone asked;

“Are you not going to the dinner tonight?”

Which I had completely forgotten to make an excuse for. Luckily he got a phone call and I scurried off before I could answer #easywin.

Saturday – Day 6

I woke up at 8am, hardly bursting at the seams (although that is pretty rare on a Saturday anyway), and made my way to the gym. Now I don’t know if I can attribute this to day 6 or the fact that I didn’t eat before the gym (not that unusual for me) but half way through my class I was EXHAUSTED. I just couldn’t muster up the energy to even pretend that I cared. I half arsed a few songs and then left before the warm down and sweated out my frustrations in the sauna. The rest of the day wasn’t too bad, I went through the motions without thinking about it too much. I was very tired in the evening but ended up staying till about 1am (thanks, Netflix for adding Grease!) before crashing hard and fast.

Sunday – Day 7

Sunday was a different story. I woke up this morning feeling like I’d been hit by a bus. I was so tired and stayed on the couch in my pajamas for over an hour before I pushed through and got dressed to head down to the grocery store. Now that was a good thing because if the activeness didn’t wake me up, the $250 bill did (WHAT?!). I’ve felt good for the most part for the rest of the day. Granted, I haven’t done a whole lot. Finished up on the house work, went to half a Phoenix game, cooked dinner and meal prepped for the week.

7 days in to the Whole30 and I am feeling good. This time round hasn’t been as much of a struggle (check back in once we have a shared morning tea!). I have a few more new recipes to try out (Chia Seed breakfast pudding #FTW) which is keeping me excited and the changes I have made have feel like they could be sustainable post Whole30.

7 days down, 23 to go. 

Whole 30 – days 3 + 4

Day 4 already! And what a rollercoaster it has been..

I left you on day 2 where The Timeline said I should be in the hangover phaze, experiencing headaches and fatigue. Surprising on day 3, I didn’t have as big of a headache as I did on day 2 (progress!), however being the over achiever I am, half way through day 3 I prematurely moved on to the Kill all the things phaze…

Yesterday afternoon I got suddenly snippy at people who were trying to be supportive but just made me angry. I snapped at several people (apologies to those people!) and it was made worse by my dinner disaster which saw me have a few bites of chicken and a green tea for dinner (don’t ask – I’m still bitter about it).

Today wasn’t much better. I started off well, making it to my 6.30 gym class, I even enjoyed my almond milk coffee! However there were a series of things at work which wouldn’t have been a big deal on a normal day. But on Whole30 day 4? I was in a fit of rage! (Okay I wasn’t quite that bad..) but I was definitely moody and kept to myself to avoid having to put up with anyone else.

That was all made better by the amazing dinner I had (Whole30 nachoes #forthewin), and now I am sitting contently on my couch ready for a good night of trashy TV. I am feeling a bit tired but overall it is going well. I have not yet been tempted by anything (touch wood!) and it’s almost the weekend  so I really cannot complain.

K x

Whole 30 – Days 1 & 2

Hello, and welcome to my progress report of Days 1 & 2 of my Whole 30. In today’s post (and probably most progress blog posts), I am going to give you an insight into what the past few days have been like. I will making reference what us Whole30ers call The Timeline. The timeline is a breakdown of what to expect throughout your Whole30 journey.

Now, this was pretty reflective of my first day. However I will admit that the first thing I thought when I woke up yesterday morning was “fuck”. The day itself wasn’t too bad. I had eggs and a vege smoothie for breakfast, chicken broccoslaw for lunch and salmon and steamed veges for dinner. To be fair, this is fairly typical of a normal day anyway (minus the sneaky treats work always offers up). But not once did I feel like I was missing out on anything and I was even happy to have my coffee with almond milk!

And then hit…

Now I am wary of the placebo affect and the affect reading the timeline may have on me but OMG – this could not have been more accurate today. In all honesty, I did make it out of bed easily enough and even managed to make it to my 6.30am gym class but that was not without a massive headache which lasted throughout the day (despite taking paracetamol and ibuprofen) and extreme fatigue. I was very lucky to have a quiet day at work today with several meetings because when I was in front of my computer, I didn’t do a whole lot. Even writing this blog post has proved a challenge.

Thus far, I have managed to keep the fact that I am doing a Whole30 away from the workplace. Last time I did it, one of the most challenging things was explaining it to people who didn’t understand.

“Why can’t you just have one drink? One night off won’t hurt!”

This time round, I know there will be a few people who will understand, but a majority wont. We have a work dinner on Friday night and I have only a few days to either let the cat out of the bag or come up with a decent excuse to get out of it. If you have any suggestions of a good excuse – let me know! 

Ps – You can find me on twitter here x

The commitment

I’m about to get really real up in here. I have planned to do a Whole30, starting tomorrow. I decided this a few days ago and I had big plans to write a big blog post about it, explaining what it is and why I had decided to do it. Alas, life got in the way. And now it is Sunday, I am about 50% hungover and 80% tired and I have stared at my screen for about half an hour, unable to put any words in this blog.

But since I am starting tomorrow and I am planning on writing and letting you know how I am going throughout it, I knew that I had to at least acknowledge that I was starting it. I will say that if you are interested in what a Whole30 is, google is amazing and will tell you heaps or you can check out  Pick and Paleo who have a great explanation of it, also.

What I can think straight enough to tell you is that it is a 30 day commitment of eating and drinking nothing but “Whole” foods. This means I won’t be having any dairy, grains, legumes or refined sugars.

The one thing Google wont tell you is why I am doing this. And I think after a weekend of binge eating and drinking, the way I am feeling is a good explanation why. As proud as I am of the progress I have made in my eating habits since losing 30kg, I am still not perfect. Somedays my eating habits are great but some days leave little to be desired. Leave me in a house full of fresh fruit and veges and meat and that’s what I’ll eat. Put me in a work morning tea and I will eat all the bread and chips and dip and cheese and chocolate and lollies and biscuits. At the moment I’m eating anything and everything and I am feeling tired and bloated and generally a bit “ick”. It’s time for me to go back to the basics and reset the way I look at food.

I have done a Whole30 back in December 2013 so I know that I can do it. Granted, my situation was different back then and I wasn’t trying to balance a full time job, errands, exercise and a social life. This time will be different but I know that people in much harder circumstances successfully complete Whole30 so I really don’t have any excuse. I’m excited to reset my body and my mind and I can’t wait to bring you along on the journey with me.

Have you done a Whole30 before? Do you have any advice for me? Leave it in the comments below!

It’s official

After over a year of searching for a full time job, I have finally received a job offer. It’s been a hard year, full of anxiety, stress and disappointment.

Looking at my saved cover letters,  I can see that I applied for over 150 jobs. I got interviews for no more than 10 and didn’t even get a response for many. It’s been disheartening, that’s for sure. There were many jobs that I had all the skills and experience for but nothing eventuated from them. I understand that employers get SO many applications and there would be many instances that they didn’t even look at my application. The ones I didn’t get interviews for, I knew I couldn’t take personally. All they had was a couple of pieces of paper to judge me from. It was the jobs which I had interviews for that really got to me. I poured so much effort into deciding what to wear, preparing what to say and moving around my schedule to make time for these interviews. But that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was the phone call declining me where I heard on numerous occasions,

“We think you are amazing! But….”

The but was always followed by some very broad statement. Generally, there was someone more experienced than me. Considering I’m only 24 and have spent 4 years of my adult life at uni, this wasn’t unusual. But it made me feel like all the part time jobs I’d had at reputable organisations (totaling over 6 years), counted for nothing.

I also had a interview with a recruitment consultant who told me that my education experience was considered “too messy” and might be putting employers off. This was due to the fact that I’d gone from a business degree to primary school teaching and was trying to get back into a corporate role. Once again, I understood how it would appear that way to employers but it was frustrating because once I commit to something, I stick with it for a good amount of time.

In saying that, now that I have received a job offer and the job hunt is over, I am thankful for all the rejections I received. In hindsight, I can see that the roles were not right for me. Knowing how hard it can be to get employed, I am thankful that I did not get offered a job that wasn’t right for me and have to go through this process again. Also, these rejections made me hungrier for it. Yes, it was disheartening but it was also so motivating. With every rejection I received, I was more determined to find a role and prove that I am worth something.

Am I sad that teaching didn’t work out? I’m not sure. My teaching diploma was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done in my life. I am proud of myself for sticking with it, even when I was sitting outside the school in my car crying because I didn’t want to go inside. Am I disappointed that I went through all this stress to only end up in a field which I didn’t require my teaching qualification for? Yes. It cost me a lot of time and money to study that! But I believe that everything happens for a reason and I have faith that this was the way it was supposed to happen.

My new journey starts on the 5th of January. I am nervous for the role because I know that it is going to be one hell of a challenge. I am also going to miss all the down time I have at the moment but mostly, I am excited. Excited to be able to tell people that I have a respectable job position, employed by a reputable agency with great career prospects. And lets not forget about the money. I’ve already started spending it in my head. First up will be a midwinter get away in 2016.

I’m already looking forward to it.

K x